chasing the clouds
by daisymeadowss
Summary: spencer hastings has been taught to be against the idiotic notion of soulmates her whole life. toby cavanaugh would like to prove her wrong but it's not going to be an easy ride. nevertheless, he's willing to try. au, no -a. multichapter. spencer & toby.
1. Chapter 1

**title: **_chasing the clouds  
_**fandom:** pretty little liars  
**summary: **spencer hastings has been taught to be against the idiotic notion of soulmates her whole life. toby cavanaugh would like to prove her wrong but it's not going to be an easy ride. nevertheless, he's willing to try.  
**inspiration/prompt:**_"__au where everything is black and white until you meet your soulmate" **(the source is tumblr but unfortunately, you can't insert links here)**_  
**pairings:** spencer/toby, with background hanna/caleb, emily/paige and probably aria/oc  
**timeline: **au story. no -a. they're about 21-22 years old.  
**rating:** ugh, I don't know. a strong T, weak M? pretty much.  
**warnings:** _might_ contain some sexual stuff later on. we'll see. if it does get included, it won't be too graphic. or I'll warn you beforehand. also some foul language here and there.  
**notes: **this happened because I really liked that au idea I found on tumblr and because I find the whole "soulmate" concept and soulmate aus unnecessarily over-romanticized. I call bullshit on instalove. there still has to be a build up and an actual relationship evolution, and you gotta give the characters the chance to _actually_ fall in love, with the person who is their soulmate and not just with the idea of being in love with your soulmate, because there's a difference. you feel me?  
**disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

* * *

Nightclubs are so not her thing. They never have been. When she was in high school, instead of spending her weekends partying, getting drunk and having sex in the bathroom or one of the rooms upstairs, she stayed home and studied hard. Perhaps read a book, or did something else that was equally as productive. The most fun she allowed herself to have was hanging out with her friends for a few hours.

She didn't know what the inside of a nightclub even looked like until she was nineteen and Hanna Marin, her freshly acquired roommate, actually managed to drag her along with them. But that was okay. Spencer Hastings never minded missing out on all the fun, mostly because she didn't consider it to be fun. The drumming in her ears, the music that was far too loud and far too obnoxious, the grinding of the bodies on the dance floor, and the drunken guys trying to make a pass at her – all these things were uninviting then and they are uninviting now.

Hanna had called her "old-fashioned" when Spencer frowned at the idea of attending a nightclub that day, but there was no denying the birthday girl - especially not on her twenty-first birthday. What she wanted, she got. That is how Spencer finds herself sitting at a table with her other roommate, Emily, sipping her alcoholic drink, while Hanna dances with Caleb, and their fourth friend, Aria flirts with a guy whose back is the only thing Spencer can make out from afar. She's glad they are at least enjoying themselves, but Spencer is growing bored, and she can see that this is not exactly Emily's territory either.

Still, they're here now, and Hanna will throw a fit if they decide to leave before she does, so they might as well try to make the most of it, right?

"Wanna come to dance?" Spencer offers as she stands up from her seat, straining to speak over the music. She's buzzed enough from her vodka to consider it half a good idea. From the corner of her eye, she sees Hanna and Caleb making their way through the crowd, heading towards the exit with matching silly grins on their faces. She strongly suspects they're going to have sex in the car, – it wouldn't be too surprising – and she doesn't know whether she should be amused or exasperated.

Emily nods, standing up herself. "Yeah, I think I'll just hit the bathroom first." She goes off in the other direction and Spencer approaches the dance floor. The mass of bodies move in synchrony with the beat, the DJ sometimes shouting things in the microphone, whooping and screams ringing over the loud music. Lights flash from the ceiling in every direction, but of course she can't tell their colors. She only sees the usual black and white, one of the downsides (actually, the _only _downside, as far as she's concerned) of not meeting her soulmate yet. It's quite a screwed up world they live in, she muses, to only be able see colors after you've met your freaking soulmate.

This is how it goes: you are born, you only see the world in black and white, but then one day, if you're lucky enough, you meet that one special person who will change your life, complete you and make you happy, and to celebrate this, biology apparently allows your vision to be finally filled with color. As soon as your eyes meet, boom – it's like an explosion. It happens in an instant. Or, at least, that's what she's been told her entire life, but she has never actually went through the ordeal herself. She's not sure she wants to. The whole notion of soulmates and unconditional love might sound appealing and super romantic to some people, but to her, it just sounds like a breeding system.

Her parents, Veronica and Peter Hastings, don't care much for soulmates or colors either. They've never experienced it (quite obviously, as it's clear to anyone with eyes that they are not in love with each other, and that's one of the first rules about soulmates – the unending love) and they fully believe it's romanticized bullshit. Logic, intelligence, ambition and money - they all overrule love and feelings. They raised their kids by teaching them the same mentality, so it's no wonder Spencer's older sister, Melissa, ended up marrying the heir of a multimillionaire company who is very much _not _her soulmate, and Spencer doesn't stick to any of her boyfriends for too long. It's not how common people operate – most of them secretly hoping to encounter their soulmates one day, even if they settle for someone else in the end, - but the Hastings family always prided themselves for being extraordinary. It would be silly and naïve to wait around your whole life for someone you might never meet, (according to researches, only 21% of the population finds their soulmate, and 67% of them are already committed to someone else when it happens) especially when you could be marrying someone much more practical in the meantime, someone with wealth and influence. Your soulmate could be a nobody, for all you know. He could be a poor low-life, or a criminal, or already dead. That's what her mother always used to tell Spencer.

To this day, she still remembers the conversation she had with Veronica when she was just a twelve year old little girl, dreaming of finding her own soulmate and finally seeing the world in color.

"_Don't be ridiculous, Spencer," her mother rolls her eyes, giving her a look which makes Spencer feel ashamed for even daring to think about such romantic nonsenses. "Did you know that most people never find their soulmate? You won't either." _

_Spencer wants to object but she has no idea how. Veronica is unapologetic about the cruel words she tells her daughter and confident in what she's saying. Apparently, Spencer can't possibly fall into that 21%. _

"_But all the girls in my class, -"_

"_All the girls are stupid," she cuts her off, voice hard. "Are you stupid, Spencer?"_

_She shakes her head no._

"_Do you want to be stupid? I didn't think so. I know what girls are like, Spencer, they all dream of finding Mr. Prince Charming. The problem is, they probably never will and these silly fantasies are only prohibiting them from moving forward with their lives. You have to see beneath what the world tells you about soulmates or you'll only end up disappointed. Do you understand?" _

_Disappointed? She's wrecked._

_Veronica looks at her, awaiting her answer and she nods because she knows there's no other acceptable response, even if she would rather scream and cry at the moment. Hastings' don't cry. They don't throw tantrum fits. They don't show emotions, and preferably, they don't feel them either. She learned that lesson a long time ago, and although she's become good at concealing her feelings like her parents and sister do, she's yet to master the act of not feeling as well. _

_She feels like her mother is deliberately tearing apart her biggest dream, piece by piece, just to make sure she ends up as miserable as they are. Unconditional love and colors, it doesn't sound too much to ask for, but apparently, it isn't good enough for her mother. _Time to grow up, Spencer, time to live in the real world, _she would say_._ But she's only twelve. She doesn't want to grow up yet. _

"_Good," Veronica nods, satisfied. "You're too old for fairytales. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not trying to discourage you from having a relationship someday. I just don't want you to have unrealistic expectations about them."_

The words have stuck with her ever since. Slowly, Spencer started to see the world in the same light her family did. She grew resentful of the innocent naivety some girls had about soulmates. She grew to dislike the idea of being with someone the "universe has chosen for you", as if the loss of free will was somehow a good thing. A soulmate would only end up slowing her down, she decided. She had no time to have a serious relationship.

And maybe, she also wanted to impress her parents. For as long as she can remember, she's been competing with Melissa for her parents' love and affection, to be the favorite, to just hear them say a few kind words in her direction, and although she realized years ago that she will never be the Golden Child, for some odd reason, she still wanted to live up to their expectations. They wanted her to be class president, she became one. They wanted her to follow in their footsteps and be a lawyer, she chose to study law. They wanted her to reject the idea of soulmates, she did. Whatever they wanted, she always followed through.

There is just one tiny thing which never stopped to bother her, even if she doesn't want any soulmates or boyfriends anymore.

The colors.

She wants to see the colors.

She's fluent in French, she's an expert at history, she's one of the brightest potential lawyer the university has – she knows everything and anything which can be learned – but she doesn't know what colors look like. _That_ can't be learned. You can't read it from a textbook or describe it. It's for your eyes only, not for words. And that pisses her off just as much as it makes her curious.

Hanna, her only friend who knows what they look like, thanks to her soulmate, Caleb, always says the Earth is gorgeous in color. That after seventeen years of only black and white, it's like waking up and seeing the world for what it truly is. The color of the sky, the sunset, a rainbow, Caleb's eyes – they were all worth the wait. That's what she says. But she can't describe the colors either. Spencer doesn't blame her – no one can – but she's secretly envious. If there is any reason she would want to meet her soulmate, it would be this. It bothers her that Hanna, and so many other people in the world, know what colors look like but _she_ doesn't. It's the greatest injustice in the world.

Too bad you can't sue the universe, right?

Spencer shakes her head to get rid of these thoughts – now is not the time to dwell on her biggest failure. She came here to have some fun, not to make herself depressed. But her brain is a traitor – it won't shut down on its own volition, so she decides to help it along a little. She turns around, heading towards the bar instead, to order herself another glass of vodka and maybe wait for Emily to reappear from the bathroom. Aria is only a few feet away, and she ends up coming over to sit down next to Spencer, ditching the guy she was talking to, and ordering herself a drink as well.

"Hey! Having fun?"

"A lot of fun," Spencer snorts as she takes a sip and Aria grins at the sarcasm in her voice. "How about you? Is he cute?"

"Kinda," Aria shrugs, glancing at the guy behind her back who continues to hover close. "But I don't know, he's not, -"

"The one?" Spencer cuts in, shooting her friend a dry smile. Aria is a hopeless romantic if she's ever seen one. She is almost obsessed with finding her soulmate, and although she'll date other guys too, they usually don't last long. Her longest relationship ever was five months and it ended with cheating and a broken heart. Aria's view on life is the complete opposite of Spencer's "no soulmate, no trouble" mentality, but it's one of the reasons why they have such a good relationship. Being friends with someone exactly like her would be boring.

"Yeah," Aria admits, her expression mirroring a four year old petulant child sticking her tongue out at her mother. "Whatever, I think I might give it a shot. He's nice enough. I saw Hanna and Caleb leaving earlier, but where's Emily?"

"In the bathroom, she'll be back soon. We're giving this dancing thing a chance," she grins at the petite girl, taking note of the way she kept glancing back behind her. Obviously, Aria thinks the guy is more than just "nice enough", even if she won't let herself admit it because he's not "the one."

"Go," Spencer urges her, giving her a tiny shove. "You don't have to entertain me."

"No, it's okay," Aria shakes her head, raising the glass of alcohol to her lips. She's convincing enough but Spencer knows her better than to buy it. She's itching to go back to the boy.

"Seriously, Aria, Emily will be right back in a minute, go."

Giving her a grateful smile, Aria slides off the barstool with her drink in her hand and goes back to boy in question, who gives her a bright smile as she approaches. Spencer grins to herself. She might not be a big fan of romance, but Aria is different, and she's happy to see that she's finally returning to her old self after the whole Noel Kahn fiasco. She deserves better than an asshole who cheats on her with some other pretty bimbo.

Spencer turns away from the two just as somebody comes up next to her to order a drink, and her eyes land on the man. Tall, broad shoulders, light hair, a white T-shirt and dark pants. He orders two whiskeys. His voice is surprisingly smooth and velvety, and though she only sees his profile, he looks handsome. Apparently, the bartender agrees, because she flashes him a million dollar smile as she prepares the drinks. He doesn't look affected. Spencer is just about to turn back to her own drink when he glances at her, as if sensing her stare. Their eyes meet.

And just like that, it happens.

The "boom" effect.

For a moment, she can't even breathe. Her hand tightens around her drink, her eyes bulging, as _everything bursts into color. _She can't name them, - of course she can't, this is the first time she experiences _this_ – but it's not black and white anymore. There are flashes of other colors, on the dance floor, the lights, the bartender's shirt, _his eyes._

Oh god, his eyes. She chokes on air as she stares into them but she can't look away. They're hypnotizing, like magic, like a spell, and for a moment, she thinks_, "this is what I've been waiting for my whole life,"_ before she catches herself. It's then that the reality of what just happened dawns on her. Oh god.

_Oh my freaking god._

The expression on his face doesn't register within her, she only sees him moving closer and opening his mouth, and it's enough to have her hyperventilating. No, she's not doing this. She can't do this. She doesn't _want_ this.

_Not a soulmate, goddammit. _

She makes the decision to leave before he can talk to her in a split of a second. Well, to be fair, she's more like running away, but what is she supposed to do? Should she say, "Oh, hey there, soulmate, so nice to meet you, thank you for bringing color into my life, but now leave, please? I don't actually want to do anything with you, thanks for understanding, and enjoy the rest of your life." Yeah, okay. That would be perfect.

How do other people do it? What do they say? How do they act? Do they start making out immediately? Hanna and Caleb did. Does this guy want to do the same with her? The idea makes her even more nervous and desperate to get away.

She isn't thinking, shutting her brain off as she gets up from the barstool, her mind leading her towards the exit. She hears a "hey" behind her, someone trying to get her attention, but she doesn't register any of it, she doesn't pay attention. If the man, _her soulmate_, tries to follow her, he loses her in the crowd by the time she gets outside. She's relieved. She doesn't want to deal with this right now. Or ever.

No soulmates. No. She doesn't need them.

The next thing she knows she's home. Her brain was once again on autopilot as she walked back to her apartment, only gaining consciousness when she stepped inside the living room.

But as soon as she turns her brain back on, all kinds of thoughts invade her mind, making it difficult to untangle them.

_I should let the girls know I left. _

_I need some coffee. _

_He was kind of handsome though, wasn't he? _

_A soulmate, what the hell am I going to do with _that_? _

_I can't tell anyone. _

_What time is it? _

_I'll probably never see him again. _

_Good. _

_I don't feel like sleeping. Maybe there's something on TV. _

_I wonder what his name is. _

_Wait, I can see colors. _

_Have they realized I left? _

_I'm not going to deal with this. It won't affect my life in any way, I'll just go on like usual. _

_There isn't a rule that says you have to be with your soulmate. _

_His eyes were beautiful. _

_What color were they? _

_What color is my dress? _

The last thoughts stick and she hurriedly opens her laptop, googling "colors". She owns some books on the topic, actually, but this is faster. Results come up in less than a second and she clicks on a random link, impatiently tapping her foot as the website loads, even though it doesn't take long at all.

Pictures of colors are presented to her, the basic ones and its hundreds of different shades. Her eyes take it in hungrily, bewildered, in awe. Purple, red, blue, green, yellow, pink... She already knew these names but she never knew which word to associate with which color. Now that will all change.

She memorizes them, closing her eyes, repeating the words, picturing the colors and putting images next to them, like "my dress is purple", "the couch is brown", "the flower on that painting is yellow", "his eyes are blue".

Blue.

It feels better knowing that. Now that curiosity isn't eating away at her insides, she might be able to forget them. Yes, she will forget them. It shouldn't be too hard, she wants nothing to do with the guy.

She's grateful to him in a way, for improving her vision (and this is nothing yet, she reminds herself, after all, it's nighttime - she can't wait to see the world in daylight, to see a rainbow and a sunset, to see the grass and the sky, and all the beauties of life) but that is all. Gratitude is all she's willing to feel for him. A chance encounter at a nightclub is all their relationship will ever be.

She's almost sure she won't even see him again. New York is a huge city. She'll have no problem avoiding him.

* * *

**well, that was it, the first chapter *claps hands together* also, I'm relatively new to this fandom and this is my first (but hopefully not last) Spoby fanfiction. you guys can call me Niky. I would love to see your thoughts, and I'll try to update as soon as I can, but unfortunately with university, it might take a while sometimes. I'll do my best though.**

**thanks for reading! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**thanks for everyone for all the alerts this story got, I love you all! **

**I spent a few hours just mapping out the outline of this story, (I basically wrote the first chapter with no foundation at all, lol) and whew, as of right now, it looks like this is gonna be a long ride. but that's a good thing, I hope?**

**uhm, and this is irrelevant, I suppose, but I'm imagining this story to be set in March, 2015. I guess I just wanted you guys to know that.**

**I don't own anything.**

* * *

She wakes to a loud crash and somebody cussing under their breath. Still half asleep, she manages to open her eyes for a second, but the sunlight streaming in is blinding and uncomfortable, so she quickly shuts them again. Did she forget to shutter the windows last night? Her room isn't always this bright in the morning.

"Aria, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just dropped a glass and it cut my hand. No big deal," comes her reply, then a hiss of pain and water running. Footsteps approach and she hears a voice - which she can now identify as Emily - asking if Aria needed some help. The rest of the conversation is drowned out by her own groan of pain as she tries to wake up properly. Normally, it isn't a hard task for her at all, - she usually gets up before everyone else, even on a night of drinking – but the pain in her neck is killing her right now. There's nothing worse than waking up with a stiff neck, she observes internally, reaching up to massage the sore muscles.

She tries to stretch on the bed, but her feet hit something hard, an obstacle, which she knows for a fact isn't supposed to be there. Another groan, and she opens her eyes again, sitting up a bit see that, yes, she's not even in her room. That explains it. That's why her neck hurts so bad and why the sunlight is too bright. She's apparently fallen asleep on the couch, still in her outfit from yesterday. She even has her heels on.

Disoriented, she looks around the living room, her eyes falling on Emily and Aria in the kitchen. Emily is sweeping up the broken pieces of glass from the floor, while Aria is busy wrapping a bandage around her wound, examining her hand with a frown. They only notice she's awake after she murmurs a throaty, "Hey," standing up from the couch. She immediately forgoes the heels, switching to her slippers instead, heading to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water, and some aspirin for the pain in her neck. Luckily, she isn't hangover – but she hasn't been drinking that much, so it's no surprise. Emily looks fresh and comely as well, but the same can't be said about Aria, who has messy hair, dark circles under her eyes and a wound to prove how hangover she is.

"Hey," Aria greets her, reaching for another glass in the cabinet. Emily precedes her, handing her and Spencer both a glass of water and an aspirin, which they accept with a grateful smile and a murmured 'thanks.' "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but it's okay, it's already," she turns to look at the clock on the wall, "ten o'clock?! Why didn't you wake me up, I have so many things to do!"

"It's Saturday," Aria protests weakly, drinking her water in one big gulp. "What could you possibly have to do?"

"Aria, I'm a law student, I always have something to do," the taller girl sighs. As soon as she's swallowed the pill in her hand, she hurries to make her usual morning coffee, needing the black liquid like an addict needs their fix. She's awake and on her feet, but she won't actually _feel_ awake until she's drowned at least three cups. One for breakfast, one to get her in an active and productive mood, and one more for good measure.

"So why did you leave without a word last night?"

"What?" The question doesn't reach her brain at first - she's fixated on making her coffee. When she looks up, she meets two sets of equally curious and confused eyes, and that's when the events of yesterday begin to dawn on her. Oh crap. Suddenly, she remembers everything - how she left the nightclub without as much as a word, how she fell asleep on the couch after memorizing all there is to know about colors, how she met her soulmate, and his stupid, _stupid_ blue eyes which haunted her dreams.

She can barely recall her dream now, but with the memory of last night on her mind, she does remember a few details - the most important being the color of his eyes in a colorless world. That stuck with her.

"Spencer, hello?" Aria actually waves a hand in front of her face, which causes Spencer to snap out of her daydream. But it doesn't help her figure out what she should tell them, since the truth is absolutely out of the question. She knows it's a bit immature, but she honestly doesn't even want to recognize this whole thing ever happened, so the last thing she needs is her friend's constant pestering about it - especially Hanna's, if she gets word of this. "Listen, if you don't want to tell us, it's okay, but you should know that Hanna was beyond pissed you abandoned her birthday party without a goodbye."

Double crap. Spencer rubs a tired hand across her forehead, not quite prepared to deal with this. She reaches for the coffee maker, pouring herself a much needed cup and also using it as an excuse to turn her back to her friends. It's hard to lie to someone close to you while looking them in the eye.

"I'm sorry. I meant to text you but..." she trails off, unsure, and as it becomes obvious she's not going to continue, Emily speaks up.

"We tried to call you, but we couldn't get a hold. It went straight to voicemail. We were worried so we came home early."

"I'm sorry," she repeats, frowning to herself. Her phone must have died sometime during the night. It's unfortunate how it happened just when she was off being irrational and making her friends worry. Really, she could have told them she was leaving, she knows that, and now she regrets she didn't. At the time, she just wanted to get out of the club and away from _him_ as soon as possible, and her friends didn't even enter her mind until she was home. And then, she got distracted by the wonders of colors, and later fell asleep. It's all so unlike the responsible and dependable Spencer Hastings they know. This man is already messing with her life, and he did nothing but look at her for like five seconds.

Just one more reason to avoid him, Spencer concludes.

With her mug filled, she has no reason to keep her back to them anymore, so she turns around, a regretful expression on her face. "I guess I'll have to call Hanna and apologize to her for ruining her birthday."

"That's probably a good idea, but Spencer," Emily looks at her with a concern which is not at all surprising. It's always been in the girl's nature to worry about everyone, not to mention that Spencer knows her failure to inform them about her whereabouts is strange. She was always the responsible one out of the four of them. The fact that they couldn't reach her at all must have been worrisome at least, "is everything okay?"

"Yes," she nods, careful not to speak too quickly, lest she seems suspicious. "Yes, of course. I just had a headache," she finally comes up with a lie, albeit not a very good one. Neither Emily nor Aria look too convinced, but they must sense she doesn't want to talk about it because they don't press her. She's grateful for it, content to finish her coffee in silence.

Now if only her conversation with Hanna would go this swimmingly as well.

* * *

Five minutes later, when she searches for her phone to charge it and call Hanna, only to find it missing, a horrible realization sinks in.

In her hurry to get away from her blue eyed soulmate, she's forgotten her purse at the bar. It contained a few dollars, her favorite lipstick, and, what's worse, her ID and cellphone.

She can't hold back a loud cuss word at the discovery, which attracts Emily to her room. Spencer has buried her face in her hand, close to banging her head against the wall when she asks, "Are you okay?"

"No," she moans, not moving her hand. "I left my purse at the club last night. It had my phone and ID in it."

God, how could she have been so stupid? This is not like her at all - she_ doesn't_ lose things or leave them. She's never even lost a key in her life before, let alone her purse. No matter how flustered or taken aback she was, she should have paid more attention to her surroundings. But apparently, her brain really did shut down the minute their eyes met, functioning on autopilot the whole time.

This weekend is just getting worse and worse.

Emily looks at her like she's not sure she's kidding or has lost her mind. Spencer can't blame her - she would probably react the same. Actually, she can't believe herself either, this is over the top stupidity coming from her.

"Uhm, you left your purse there?" Emily asks back, most likely to make sure she's heard it right.

"Yes," Spencer snaps in frustration. She's mad at herself, not at Emily, but her annoyance seeps into the tone of her voice. "I'll have to call the club, maybe they found it?"

Fat chance. Rationally, she knows it's much more likely some spineless dude found it, decided to keep the money, sell her phone and throw away the rest they didn't need. But it's a worth a shot, and she doesn't know what else to do.

Emily pulls out her own cellphone, handing it to her. "Here, use mine."

Spencer manages to give her a grateful smile, but her expression soon turns sour as she sits down to search for a phone number on the web. She hopes, for her own sake, that the nightclub has found her purse and is just waiting for the rightful owner to get in touch with them, because she really doesn't need this inconvenience in her life right now.

But as she always says, hope breeds eternal misery.

After a two minute conversation with a staff member and the disheartening revelation that they apparently did _not_ find her belongings, Spencer feels like crying. It's not just losing her purse, it's being stupid enough to have forgotten it in the first place and the feeling of failure that comes with it. She's nothing if not a perfectionist. She doesn't deal well with failing at something, the result of being raised by the kind of parents who put pressure on you to succeed and tell you that winning _is_ everything, and if you don't win, you're no one. If you failed at something in the Hastings household, you had to have a thick skin because you'd be dealing with disappointed looks and cutting remarks for the next two weeks or so. Instead of accepting that and getting used to her parent's insensitivity, Spencer always thrived to be the best at everything and _not_ fail. It was the only way to survive her teenage years. And today, that dedication to be perfect runs so deep in her blood that she's not sure how to handle her own idiocy. That's how she ends blaming the nameless man instead, the one she was so desperate to get away from that she forgot to bring her purse.

As if she didn't already have enough reasons to dismiss him altogether. He's obviously not a good influence on her rational thinking.

Pushing back her tears, - _Hastings don't cry, _she reminds herself time and time again - she blows out a deep breath to compose herself. What's the next logical step? She could try calling her phone. Although Emily and Aria said it went straight to voicemail, it would be stupid not to at least try.

But her attempt is fruitless - it doesn't even ring. Frustrated, she slams Emily's phone down the table, her fingers rubbing her temple in soothing circular motions. The massage doesn't work, her annoyance doesn't ebb away - in fact, she can feel a headache coming on. She wasn't kidding earlier when talking to Aria, she has a million and other things to do - study for a test, write a paper, read through a six hundred pages long book - but her concentration is all but thrown out the window, lost somewhere she can't reach it.

She looks around the room, taking in the colors. She has a light blue quilt, - she's never knew. There are also various colored candles, books, pictures. Green, brown, purple, - she still remembers them. At least that's something. They look different in daylight, too, just as she's suspected. But her earlier excitement over the prospect of seeing the Earth in colors is nowhere to be found. Too many things are clouding her mind.

Just as she goes back to berating herself, the doorbell goes off. She doesn't pay attention to it, - figuring that either Aria or Emily will answer it - until Aria calls out her name.

"Spencer, there's a Toby here looking for you."

With a tired groan, Spencer makes herself get up, shuffling out into the living room. "I don't know any Tobys," she frowns. Aria shrugs, handing her the entryphone. It takes all her energy to remain civil with this mystery person on the other end of the line, and not just blow him off immediately. She's _so_ not in the mood for pleasantries.

"Hello?"

"Spencer Hastings? I found your purse."

She recognizes his voice without trouble. She's only heard him speak once in her life and that was before she knew who he was, but she strangely remembers everything about last night, every small and unimportant detail, everything up to the point of their eyes meeting, of course. Then, it's kind of a blur.

She sucks in a deep breath. Her first instinct is to slam the phone down and run away again - how did he find her anyway? What does he want from her? Is he going to be stalking her now? - until the meaning of his words sink in. _"I found your purse."_ Well, she'll be damned. She didn't even entertain the possibility that maybe _he_ noticed she left it there. And although she doesn't want to let him in, she knows she has no choice. He has her purse after all. She needs it.

She looks behind her to see Aria moving around in the kitchen. Emily is not present. Would it be weird if she went down to collect her stuff instead of letting him up? Would it cause suspicion? She'd feel better if he didn't come up to her apartment but she thinks that might be strange - after all, she's supposed to be grateful. This guy, - _Toby_, apparently - saved her a whole lot of trouble by being a decent guy and returning her belongings. What Emily and Aria wouldn't know, however, is that Spencer can't be too sure about his intentions. For all she knows, the only reason he's returning them is to get her attention. Talk to her.

Spencer can't blame him - most people would do the same. She's sure he doesn't mean any harm, but the problem is, she isn't most people. She doesn't need a soulmate. And she's not sure how to tell him that. It would be kind of rude, telling him to get lost to his face, wouldn't it?

With a big long sigh, she decides she's over thinking this and just invites the guy - _Toby_ \- up. She really doesn't want to make Aria, or anyone, suspicious.

Waiting by the door, she contemplates what to say, - decidedly verging on the brick of over thinking again - but she doesn't come up with anything helpful by the time he reaches their apartment. She takes care not to _really_ take a look at him or his eyes. She doesn't need to remember how pretty they are or how handsome he is. Truth be told, she's not sure he actually is _that_ handsome anyway. She only saw his profile - she never had the chance to properly check him out after he turned towards her yesterday. But either way, she doesn't want to find out.

So, although she looks at him, she doesn't really _see_ him.

He holds up the familiar white purse, a half-grin playing on his lips. "I think you left this?"

She snatches the item from his hands in a swift movement, nodding. "Thank you." Her words are short and clipped. Maybe if she's rude to him, he'll take the hint and never look for her again.

But it doesn't work. Either he doesn't take note of the tone of her voice or he's undisturbed by it, because he lingers even after her purse is safely back in her possessions. Arms crossed at his chest, he leans against the doorframe, his foot still in the hallway, not coming closer. He's looking at her in a strange way, running his eyes over her frame, from head to toe, but not in a disgusting or creepy way, like most guys do it when checking you out. It's almost like he's inspecting her. And although there's no lust in his blue eyes, she still grows uncomfortable under his gaze, for reasons unknown to her.

She fidgets. Feeling super self-conscious, she reaches up to smooth down her hair, avoiding his stare. _Get a grip, _she yells at herself,_ and just tell him to go away. _"I'm sorry, is there anything else you wanted? Shall I pay you for finding my purse?" She actually reaches inside to pull out a few dollars – if it makes him leave, then it's a small sacrifice. But he's shaking his head even before she holds out the banknotes towards him, recoiling from the money. She puts them back in her purse.

"No, no, no, I just…" Now he looks uncomfortable. Spencer holds back a smile – maybe she's getting somewhere after all? Obviously, he's not sure how to handle such a rude, uninterested soulmate. "Well, I just… last night. When I looked at you. That wasn't just me, was it?"

"Wasn't what?"

"Come on. I've never heard of a case before when someone's soulmate didn't experience the same explosion of colors."

"Then why do you ask?" she challenges him with a raised brow, crossing her arms as well. He falters. "No, it wasn't just you," she admits in a low sigh. There's no point in lying, not to him.

He looks kind of relieved, but also very confused. Maybe he chalked up yesterday as initial shock or nerves. Spencer doesn't think he actually expected her to be this reluctant with him, and for a moment, she almost feels sorry for the guy. He's trying hard and she's not making it easy on him, but it's for his benefit too. He's better off without her in the long run.

"You ran away from me."

She can't hold back a snicker. "Very observant, thank you."

"Most people don't react like that when they meet their soulmate," he goes on, gaining some of his courage back. "It might be awkward and forced at first, but they usually stick around to make small chat. Exchange phone numbers. Agree on a date. You know, stuff like that." He tries for a teasing smile, but he's shot down again by Spencer's unchanging, indifferent expression. The smile dies on his lips when he realizes she's not particularly amused. "Okay, I can see you're not really into that idea, are you? That's fine, I'll -"

"Is that why you're here?" she cuts in, not wanting to hear where he's headed.

"I, - excuse me?"

"Is that why you're here? To get me on a date?"

"No," he frowns. If she were to carefully examine him, she might say he looks a little hurt, a little offended, a little rejected, but she doesn't want to linger her eyes too long on him. That would ruin the whole purpose of looking but not seeing. "I came to give you your purse, since you left it at the bar last night. I tried to go after you and give it to you then, but I lost you in the crowd. That's why I'm here."

He sounds sincere but either way, it doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. So she blows out a breath, and nods once, accepting what he says. Briefly, she wonders if Aria is still in the kitchen. Is she watching them? Spencer resists the urge to look behind her and check. This is taking way too long for a simple, _"Hey, I found your purse"_ conversation.

"Alright, I believe you. And thank you for returning it, really," she makes an effort to actually smile. "But that's it. The whole soulmate thing… that's not going to happen." She doesn't look at him when she speaks, opting to stare at the ground instead. She feels weird, almost guilty – which is ridiculous. It's her own choice who she wants to be with, _if_ she wants to be with anyone, and no one should make her feel bad about herself because of it. She has no reason to feel guilty. But she does anyway.

She sees him nod in the corner of her eye, but she can't gauge his expression, which is probably for the best. No need to deepen her guilt.

"Alright." He heaves out a sigh. "I get it. I guess I'll see you… well, it was nice to meet you, Spencer."

She snaps up her head at the sound of her name coming from his mouth, but his back is already turned to her, walking down the hallway. She shakes her head to clear it from thoughts of calling him back. Ridiculous. After spending the last five minutes wishing he'd leave, she's not going to call him back now. It's not like her name on his lips sounded _that_ great.

_It's not like his eyes in her dreams were that pretty._

* * *

She soon forgets about Toby under the pressure of school, Hanna's annoyance at her and, most importantly, at seeing the world in color.

It's like she's always hoped it would be, only better. She would be walking home from campus and stop to admire a beautiful red rose. Or a painting. Or the bright colors of a little girl's dress. Everyday things, things that are completely normal, yet so wondrous. Is this what being in love feels like? Because then she definitely is – with colors.

There are a handful of things she still hasn't witnessed that she wants to (a rainbow, the sunset, a walk in a blooming garden full of flowers) but for now, she's content to just admire the ordinary things. She has time, doesn't she? No one will degrade her vision again.

Well, not unless something happens to Toby. Because that's how it works - if your soulmate dies, the colors go away too, and everything turns to black and white again. She shudders just thinking about it. How awful that must be – to just go on about your day when suddenly the world goes dark. Or to wake up one day and find that the colors have disappeared. She can't imagine how anyone would be able to live with themselves after that. Once you know what it looks like, it's impossible to live without it. She knows she couldn't. It is just too beautiful.

Whenever she can, she takes the time to just sit down on a bench outside and observe. Everyone and everything. People walking the streets, birds chirping, the sun shining. Kids playing in the park. Once she sees two little girls, talking about colors and how pretty they are in hushed whispers. It strikes her to see that children as young as six have already found their soulmate. How lucky they are, to be able to enjoy this amazing sight for longer. She thought she would feel envious, but she doesn't. She feels happy. Everyone should be granted this pleasure in their lives - yet most people never do. Isn't it awfully unfair? As so many times before, she shakes her head at the questionable ways the world operates. Soulmates and colors should not be exclusively dependent on one another, but that's biology for you.

Nevertheless, she's grateful to be finally experiencing it firsthand, and not just from Hanna's stories. Just sitting there on a bench, in the bright sunshine, enjoying life - it's all she ever wanted.

For these small moments, she feels at peace.

* * *

To appease Hanna, who's still pissed about the stunt she's pulled at her birthday, Spencer agrees on going to the cinema with her that Friday night. There's a new movie with Jake Gyllenhaal she's been wanting to watch for a while, and it's not like she minds spending time with Hanna. She actually misses the constant presence of the blonde - about three weeks ago, she moved out of their apartment to be with Caleb. That's when Emily moved in to Hanna's old room. Spencer is, of course, happy for the couple, (actually, Hanna was so overjoyed when Caleb asked her to move in with him, that it's impossible _not_ to be happy for them) but it's a bit weird not to have her around all the time. They still see each other a lot, and Hanna comes over often, but it's not quite the same. So she's glad to spend some time with Hanna when she can.

The movie starts at eight, but she goes over to their apartment around six, knowing that Hanna will need some time to prepare and advice on what looks best on her. When Spencer arrives, she's already waiting for her with three different shirts in her hand, and - thankfully - a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Spencer smiles gratefully, accepting her coffee, her eyes scrutinizing the shirts Hanna is holding up. She waves in Caleb's direction who is sitting on the couch. His expression is both calm and amused as he watches his girlfriend parade around the apartment, trying to put together the best possible outfit for the occasion.

"What do you think of them?" Hanna asks, laying the three different shirts on the armchair and inspecting them herself. "Caleb says I should wear this," she points to a red, strapless top with glitters, "but I wanted to wait for your opinion too."

Spencer takes a moment to examine all three choices, then shrugs. She has her own sense of style, but Hanna is the one in the fashion business. Still, it's cute how she wants to hear her opinion as well, so she makes an effort to choose the best. "Personally, I vote for the green one."

She realizes her mistake as soon as the words leave her mouth. She swallows hard. Fuck, that was so amateur of her. The green one? _Green_? _Way to expose yourself to everyone,_ Spencer thinks to herself, already calculating her chances of getting away with this. Maybe they didn't notice it. Is it possible?

When Hanna doesn't say anything, just goes on like nothing happened and lifts up the green top to look at it in detail, Spencer thinks maybe she'll get lucky this time, but she doesn't dare hope or sigh in relief. She bites down on her lip as she watches the woman carefully, looking for signs of surprise or shock but they aren't there. Her comment didn't register in the blonde.

She might have completely missed her slip up if it wasn't for Caleb. But he raises an incredulous eyebrow and stares at her in surprise for so long that Hanna eventually notices. Spencer tries to act as natural as possible, but she knows she's busted. Well, that didn't last long. She mentally pats herself on the back. _Good job, Hastings. _

"What? What is it?" Hanna wonders as she looks between the two, still clueless.

Caleb continues to stare. "The _green_ one?"

"What, - ooooooh!" Hanna's mouth falls open as realization dawns on her. Turning to Spencer, she lets out a bubbly laugh, clapping her hands together. "You found your soulmate? Why didn't you say anything?! _Spencer!"_ She stresses her name, trying to glare but it's obvious she's excited. _Well, at least someone is._

"I, -" Spencer begins to explain, but Hanna is too impatient, cutting her off.

"Who? Who is it?"

Spencer lets out a sigh of exhaustion, seeing no way to avoid this conversation. Not with Hanna, _definitely_ not with Hanna. She might as well just fess up now. It isn't that much of a big deal anyway, not to her. So she found her soulmate, so what? Hanna will probably try to convince her to date him, and her constant persuasion will be uncomfortable and annoying after a while, but she can't force her to do anything. It's ultimately Spencer's choice.

"Just... some guy from the nightclub. Toby or something."

"You met him at the _nightclub_"? Hanna laughs, probably sensing the irony of the situation. Spencer Hastings, the girl who dislikes nightclubs and doesn't go too often, finds her freaking soulmate at one. _Funny._ "You're welcome!"

"Is that why you left?" Caleb cuts in, and Hanna, too, looks at her in question.

"Yes," Spencer admits. Her tone of voice obviously suggests that she's very unwilling to talk about this subject, but neither of her friends care that much. "But it doesn't matter, okay?"

"What do you mean it doesn't matter?" Hanna pauses when she understands. "Wait," she frowns, "please tell me you don't still think that soulmates are bullshit. Please tell me you're not planning on ignoring the poor guy."

"Hanna, -"

_"Spencer!"_ There it is, that outrageous emphasis on her name again. This time though, Hanna truly does look a bit frustrated with her brunette friend. "I thought that once you found your soulmate, you'd understand and stop being such a Soulless." Soulless. That's the word the world uses to describe people who don't believe in or don't approve of the necessity of soulmates. There aren't many of them but Spencer is proud to be one, even if she doesn't like the name itself. _Soulless_ just sounds cruel.

"Nope. Soulless till the day I die," she tries to lighten the situation with a joke and a smile, but Hanna remains unamused. Caleb hovers in the background, listening to their conversation while he types something on his phone.

"Do you realize how lucky you are? Like, only 11% of the population, -"

"21%."

" - finds their soulmate and you're going to give it up? Many people would _kill_ to be in your place."

"Yeah, but I'm not like that, okay?" Spencer raises her eyes to ceiling, growing frustrated herself. Hanna will not let this one go, she just knows it. The night is all but ruined. Wonderful. "I don't know why I have to be with someone just because the universe is telling me that I should be. It's fucked up." She gestures towards the boy sitting on the couch, apologetic. "No offense to you and Caleb, you guys are obviously in love, but we're different."

"But he's your _soulmate_," Hanna stresses the word as if it's supposed to make a difference. She's looking at Spencer like she's a little child, too young to comprehend what they're talking about.

Spencer rolls her eyes. "Yeah, _I know_. And so what? Did you honestly fall in love with Caleb the moment your eyes met? Just like that?"

"Well... no," Hanna frowns, looking pained to admit that. "But I immediately knew I had to get to know him better. There was a certain attraction from the beginning. A pull, a connection. Didn't you feel that?"

Spencer thinks about his eyes again, the way she couldn't look away at first, her dream that night, the jolt that went through her when he said her name, and then shakes her head. "No."

"I don't believe you!"

"Hanna," it's Caleb who speaks, standing up to place a pacifying hand on her shoulder. "Let it go, it's Spencer's decision."

Spencer holds back a grateful smile in his direction. She doesn't want Hanna to think they're teaming up against her.

"Not you too," the blonde breathes out a heavy sigh, glaring at her own soulmate. "I just want what's best for her."

"I know. But Spencer can decide what's best for her, don't you think?"

Hanna mumbles something unintelligent under her breath, but by the way her shoulders slump and she turns back to the shirts, Spencer knows that she let it go - for now. This won't be the only time she'll hear about this from Hanna, she's sure. But she can worry about that later.

"So, the green shirt, you say?"

* * *

**I am unsure about this chapter… I wanted to get Toby across as realistically as possible but I don't know? I didn't want it to seem like he's pushing her to go out with him, he's just really confused, the poor guy. Like, imagine a world where soulmates meet and the next week, they're all but in love and planning the wedding. And then there's Spencer who's being so cold and literally wants nothing to do with him, and he doesn't understand what is going on? But he's not going to push her or anything, so he won't be the kind of guy who doesn't take no for an answer and is just being really gross and borderline creepy, and yeah, I didn't want you guys to think that of him. But also I wanted to show his confusion and his willingness to go out with her, BECAUSE HELL YEAH, HE'S VERY MUCH WILLING IF SHE WERE TOO. So… uhm, maybe review and let me know how I did?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm a weirdo who pays too much attention to small details, which is why I actually check the calendar regularly while writing this. So Hanna's birthday in 2015 falls on a Friday (March 6) and they went to the movies (last scene of chapter 2) next Friday, that's the 13th. (Yeah, bad luck, haha. I would have made a comment about it, but I'm pretty sure Spencer doesn't believe in that stuff.) So this chapter takes place next week, which is also the week of Toby's birthday, (Thursday, the 19th). And Spencer's birthday is coming up too, just in case anyone is wondering why there are so many birthdays in one story, lol. I'm sorry, timeline is just really important to me - which is why I want to rip out my hair while watching PLL. It's just so not cool. But that's another point.**

**Also, to address some question I got in the reviews which I couldn't answer because they were not logged in.**

**Guest: Nope, I wouldn't say it is. Besides the soulmate/color aspect, the world is pretty much the same. No flying cars or time travel or teleportation or anything like that.**

**SpobyxPailyxHCAJ: I'm not very fond of Ezra either, lol, so he's not gonna be in the story. Sorry, Ezria fans. I did like Aria with Jason but he's not gonna be in the story either. I just feel like he wouldn't fit. Tbt, I don't think Aria or Emily will find their soulmates either – at least not through the course of the story. It would be a bit too much, I think. And as for Emily, whether she knows she's gay or not yet will be answered this chapter, so read on :)**

**(Also, for this chapter, I totally rewatched 1x19 scenes, **_**for research**_**, **_**of course, **_**and haha, is it just me, or do they get more and more adorable every time I rewatch their scenes?)**

* * *

"I think it's kinda sweet, isn't it? Or is it crazy? Is he just totally crazy?"

"Hmmm, yeah, it's very sweet..."

"I mean, yeah, okay, it's kinda crazy that he bought me diamond earrings on the first date, but I don't think he knows how else to date a woman, you know?"

"Yeah, totally..."

"And I didn't get the feeling that he's trying to buy my love either, I think he genuinely thought it was expected of him."

"That's great..."

"Also, he reacted very well when I told him I was pregnant, so that's a plus."

"Amazing."

"Spencer, are you even listening?"

"What?" Spencer looks up at the sound of her name, coming eye to eye with a half annoyed, half amused Aria Montgomery.

She shakes her head, a teasing smile playing on her lips. "I just said I was pregnant and you said _amazing_."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just," Spencer looks down at her laptop with a frown etched on her face, then back to Aria abruptly, "wait, you're not, -"

"Of course not," the brunette girl rolls her eyes. "I was just trying to get your attention. It didn't work."

"I'm sorry," Spencer repeats, still a bit detached, the screen of her laptop drawing her eyes back in again.

She stares at her Facebook page with hostility. It's an odious Monday afternoon and the two of them are sitting at a local restaurant, grabbing a cup of coffee and lunching, while catching up with each other. With varying time schedules, sometimes, even if you lived together, you could miss the other and not talk to them for days. Spencer has spent almost all of last week studying till wee hours in the University library, which meant she didn't see much of Emily or Aria. That's why she decided to take a lunch break with Aria and just chat with her for a while. Emily unfortunately couldn't make it, but Aria took the opportunity to tell her about her new (sort of?) boyfriend - or, at least, she would have, if Spencer had paid her any attention.

But she's too conflicted. She glares at the smiling face of Toby Cavanaugh, staring at her from her screen, annoyed and angry. He wanted to be her friend. He actually tried to add her as a friend on Facebook.

Spencer snorts under her breath. A friend request, huh? More like a soulmate request.

She can't believe the guy. It's been over a week since she last saw him, when he returned her stuff, and he wants to friend her on Facebook _now_? She thought she made it pretty clear that she didn't want to be with him or anything like the sort, but apparently, it couldn't be that easy.

Of course. It never is.

She rubs her temple in an attempt to calm down. Just thinking about the guy gives her a headache. She was doing so well with ignoring this whole soulmate thing so far, and the reminder jumped at her completely out of the blue, throwing her off balance. What is she supposed to do? Obviously, she's not going to accept his friend request. It would only encourage him, spur him on. That's the last thing she wants. The easy thing would be to decline it, maybe even block him, but she's starting to question whether the _"just ignore it and it goes away" _method actually works here.

Apparently, you really can't run away from your problems.

Maybe it's time to acknowledge it and work with it instead. What if she gave him a chance? They'd go on a date, she'd make an effort to look interested and open towards him, and afterwards, she'd let him down nice and easy. That way, he couldn't say she never even gave them a try. She could just tell him she's sorry but he isn't what she's looking for. Then he'd have to accept it, right?

She sighs, conflicting thoughts swirling in her head. What's the right course of action? Who knows, she's never done this before. Probably few people have ever done this before. She wishes she could ask for advice from someone, but who? Hanna doesn't agree with her. Aria is so involved in trying to find her own soulmate that she wouldn't understand her apprehension either. Emily might be supportive, but Spencer secretly suspects she, herself, wouldn't mind finding her soulmate too, so she wouldn't _understand_ her either. All three of them perceives soulmates as a good thing.

And her parents, who are probably the only people she knows besides herself, who agree with her view on soulmates, (they were the ones who practically forced it on her, right?) are absolutely out of the question. They would be undoubtedly unhelpful. She knows they couldn't offer her any reliable tips.

Melissa might actually be her best source of advice, but Spencer's a bit wary of her too. It's not like they have the best sibling relationship ever - in fact, she hasn't talked to Melissa since New Year's Eve, probably. A phone call would be shocking, a surprise visit to her huge mansion with her husband, even more so. And if she actually told her what happened, Spencer wouldn't trust her to keep the information to herself. She's almost sure that her parents would find out about it within a week – and Spencer would rather avoid that. She can just imagine the disappointing looks they would give her, as if it's somehow her fault she met her soulmate and she could have averted it if she tried.

_If you just hadn't gone to that nightclub. If you had just stayed home and studied…_

No, she already has enough going on as it is, without dealing with the aftermath of letting Veronica and Peter down. So Melissa is out of the question as well. And that leaves… no one.

She has no one to ask for help.

"Okay, what is so interesting?" Aria leans forward, trying to take a peek at Spencer's laptop, but she hurriedly slams it shut.

"Nothing," she says quickly, – _too quickly _– wearing the face of absolute innocence. Aria and Emily have no idea about Toby yet. Hanna hasn't told them, thankfully, but Spencer also knows that if she doesn't do it herself, and do it soon, Hanna will eventually step in and let them in on the secret. So, although she's not looking forward to that particularly uncomfortable conversation, she's made up her mind to tell them sometime this week – she's just waiting for an opportunity to talk to them both at the same time. She would rather not retell the same story twice.

Aria retreats back to her chair, blinking in surprise. Confusion and skepticism colors her voice when she speaks. "Okay?"

"I'm sorry," Spencer sighs in apology, but doesn't elaborate on the reason she was so quick to close her laptop. She reaches for her coffee, making an effort to clear her mind of all things Toby and soulmates, and finally pay attention to Aria instead. "Okay, I'm listening this time. You said something about diamond earrings, and…"

"Jackson."

"Jackson," she nods, but it must be obvious she has no idea who he is, because Aria rolls her eyes and clarifies.

"The guy I went on a date with. The guy I met at the club?"

"Oh, yes, I remember. You liked him."

"I did. I do," she corrects herself.

"And he gave you diamond earrings?"

"On the first date, yes."

"Wow," Spencer laughs quietly in disbelief. "Did he also take you to Rome to eat real Italian pizza?"

"No, he didn't," Aria chuckles. "But we ate at a really nice, fancy, _expensive_ restaurant where I couldn't read or pronounce the names of half the menu."

Spencer laughs again. "So he's loaded. Are you sure that's the type you want?"

"His father is," Aria admits, then blows out a sigh, avoiding her friend's eyes. "I know it seems really extravagant… but he's not a typical stuck up snob. He has a good heart. I just don't think he knows how to… _not be rich_."

"Okay," Spencer raises her hands in surrender. "I'm not judging, if you like the guy, you should go for it. But probably tell him not to buy you any more expensive jewelries – unless it's an engagement ring," she teases.

Aria shakes her head, but grins back. "Actually, I wanted to ask something else too. Is it okay if I bring him along on Friday?" They are having a game night on Friday – the four of them plus Caleb gathering together to play a bunch of board and card (and maybe even drinking) games, and anything else they can think of. It was Spencer's idea, whose intention was to have some fun for a change and bring the group together for a night. It's been too long – the last time they did something together, all of them, was on Hanna's birthday, and that didn't end too well.

"I'm just asking," Aria continues, "because Caleb will be there, obviously, and I know Emily is bringing someone too, -"

"She is?" Spencer raises an eyebrow, surprised. She hadn't known Emily was seeing someone. Suddenly, she feels like a horrible friend. She really has been neglecting them lately, - even before the nightclub and meeting her soulmate, - and even today, there she was, ignoring Aria while she was trying to tell her about her new romance, focusing on her own instead.

All the more reason for a game night, Spencer concludes. Then she can catch up with what's going on in the girls' lives and make an effort to be a less lousy friend.

"Yes, she met someone. I don't know him either, she hasn't mentioned him much, but I know he'll be there. Which means that…"

"I'll be the only one alone," Spencer finishes for her friend, quickly realizing what she's getting at.

Aria nods. "I don't want you to feel like the seventh wheel."

"No, it's okay. I don't mind." Her mind wanders to Toby. If she really agreed on a date with him, - which she hasn't decided on yet - just to get rid of him, this was absolutely _not_ the perfect occasion. Her friends getting to know him, maybe even like him, would be a problem. They wouldn't have much chance to talk or be alone – which is kind of a necessity if she wants to use the _"you're just not what I'm looking for" _excuse. Therefore, inviting him along would be stupid. She'll just be the only one who's alone then.

It doesn't matter. It really isn't a big deal for her, so it's easy to nod and smile at Aria. "Bring him along. I can't wait to meet _Mr. I-buy-women-diamond-earrings-on-the-first-date-and-take-them-to-Italy-on-the-second._"

"Oh god," Aria laughs heartily, shaking her head at Spencer. "Just don't call him that to his face."

"I can't promise anything," Spencer smirks and they continue on with their lunch without Spencer thinking of Toby even once.

How to deal with the situation could be mulled over later.

* * *

Later, she – out of sheer desperation – decides to call an omniscient source for help.

Google.

She feels ridiculous as she types in the words – _how to tell your soulmate you're not interested_ – and almost ends up closing the page. Expecting help from random people on the internet, that's a new low for her. But she really doesn't know what else to do.

She still hasn't confirmed Toby's friend request on Facebook, and frankly, she doesn't know if she should. She's wary of both accepting and denying it. If she accepts it, she might as well start preparing for a date, if she denies it, it would be embarrassing to change her mind afterwards and agree on going out with him.

She needs to make up her mind first.

She scrolls through the webpages, but nothing really catches her eye. She doesn't know the specific statistics on this one, but she suspects that out of the 11% who finds their soulmate, less than 1% feels the same way about it as she does. Which means that articles about the topic are little to none.

Omniscient, right?

There's a happy story about a girl who used to be a Soulless but then her soulmate came along and changed her mind – she rolls her eyes at that one – and a few comments here and there from people who feel they're better off without finding their own soulmates. But nothing on the subject she's looking for.

She's starting to think it's just never happened before. That 11% of the world, they all had to be very happy to find their soulmate.

With a tired groan, she closes her laptop and rests her head against the desk. Looks like she's on her own. She'll have to choose all by herself.

But the decision to go out with Toby or continue ignoring him keeps getting harder and harder by every minute which passes.

* * *

By Friday, she still hasn't reached a resolution. She allowed herself until Sunday to make up her mind, after that, she'll just flip a coin or something. Let it be completely accidental.

Today, however, she's determined not to think about soulmates and Toby and dates and Facebook requests. Today, she just wants to turn her brain off and have fun with her friends.

Except life has other plans in store for her, - which becomes quite clear as soon as Hanna (the last one to arrive) finally gets here with two men on her arms. One of them, Caleb, is expected. But the other one, not so much.

_Toby._

Spencer actually chokes on her water when they walk in. _What the fuck?_

Aria rubs her back, but all she can do is stare in horror as the three of them walk in the living room, Hanna giving her a small smug smile behind the boys' backs. _Oh, she's gonna kill that woman, slowly and painfully._

"Hey, guys," Hanna strides forward, pointing towards the unwanted guest in Spencer's apartment. "This is Toby, I hope you don't mind I've brought him along. He's one of Caleb's friends and since I knew Spencer wasn't bringing anyone…"

"Hanna," Spencer hisses, the irritation in her voice quite clear. It doesn't matter, for all Aria and Emily know, she's just pissed Hanna is obviously trying to set her up with someone.

"_Spencer_," the blonde drawls, turning to shoot her a look of innocence. But Spencer knows better.

Taking care not to look at Toby, she stands up, arms crossed, eyes trained on Hanna. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" She gestures towards the kitchen. "In private."

She doesn't wait for an answer, marching into the kitchen, her frustration almost boiling over. Hanna follows her, mimicking her crossed arms posture as they stop to stand next to the counter.

The blonde raises a brow. "What?"

"Are you for real?" Spencer fumes, struggling to keep her voice down. If she's too loud, they'll undoubtedly hear her in the next room. Hanna's lucky she wants to keep this conversation in secret. "You know what. Toby? Really? You bring him here, _to_ _my own apartment_?"

Hanna shrugs, completely unapologetic. As expected. "You're lucky I lied he was Caleb's friend and not your soulmate."

"Yeah, thank you so much," Spencer rolls her eyes, sarcasm lacing her voice. "You really helped me out there."

"I _am_ helping you out!" Hanna insists, but Spencer isn't having any of it.

"This is just unacceptable, I want him gone, okay?"

"You're not gonna throw him out, are you?" Hanna asks, incredulous. The brunette shrugs. Yeah, that would be a little strange. But she's so tempted to throw caution to the wind and just do as she damn well pleases. Screw what Emily and Aria thinks, she's gonna have to tell them the truth sooner or later anyway.

"I might just throw _you_ out, actually."

"Oh, come on," now it's Hanna's turn to roll her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic, it's not the apecolypse."

"_Apocalypse_," Spencer corrects automatically.

"Same thing," Hanna shrugs. She reaches for one of the beer cans, sitting on the counter. "So are you willing to calm down or what? Be mad at me if you want to, but I really think you should give him a chance. I talked to him, he's great. A little shy, actually, but perfect for you." She opens her beer and takes a sip, then quickly adds, as if it makes all the difference, "_He reads._"

Spencer gapes at her, shaking her head. "You're unbelievable. _He's_ unbelievable. I clearly told him I was not interested."

"Don't blame him. It took me a lot of convincing to get him to come, and he was still really reluctant. But you know what I'm like," she smiles proudly here, "I don't take no for an answer."

"Yeah, no, I blame you _both_." Spencer pauses for a moment, gauging her friend. As much as she detests this whole situation, she _is_ curious about one thing. "How did you even find him?"

"Oh, that's a great story," Hanna grins, looking happy to be able to explain. "Well, you said his name was Toby, which is not a very common name, so I figured I might actually have a shot at finding him. I went back to the nightclub to ask around and it turned out this bartender did know someone who had a friend named Toby. I talked to that friend, and he pointed me in the direction of Toby Cavanaugh. I looked for him on Facebook. We chatted. And guess what, he confirmed that he was the one you locked eyes with on Friday."

Spencer doesn't know whether to be impressed or pissed. She lets out a humorless laugh, staring at the blonde with wide incredulous eyes. "Jesus, Hanna."

"It's for your own good!" Hanna snaps. Grabbing another can of beer, she holds it towards Spencer. "Here, take this, drink it, calm down. And be nice. His birthday was yesterday."

With that, she leaves Spencer alone with her thoughts and her beer. She sighs, looking up towards the ceiling with a groan of frustration, suddenly not anticipating this night at all. Nothing ever goes right in her life, does it?

* * *

Three beers and an hour and a half later, Spencer feels like she might need something stronger to survive the night. Unfortunately, it's barely nine, and they haven't wandered into drinking games yet.

Toby seems to get on well with everyone. He and Caleb have probably hit it off even before they arrived, and Emily obviously takes a liking to him as well. Hanna goes out of her way to put him in a good light as much as possible, which is ludicrous, because Spencer is pretty sure she doesn't even know him that well.

At least Aria is, thankfully, too preoccupied with Jackson to pay Toby any attention, and Emily's boyfriend is quiet the whole time, looking like he feels he doesn't belong here. Spencer can sympathize. Right now, she doesn't feel like she belongs here either.

She tries not to look or communicate with Toby at all. There's a beat of a moment when their eyes meet, but it quickly passes. Emily, conversationally, asks if he's met his soulmate, and as her heart skips, he looks over to her, then shakes his head. Spencer would feel grateful, but she considers it a given that he doesn't snitch on her. It's the least he can do after showing up in her apartment without an invitation - at least, from her. Hanna doesn't count.

Besides that incident, they don't interact much. In fact, Spencer begins to wonder why he came at all if he isn't even going to try to talk to her. Does he feel guilty for intruding? Was he bullied into coming like Hanna claimed? (That seems pretty plausible, actually. Hanna is a bulldozer who really doesn't take no for an answer.) Or does he just sense that trying to talk to her would only worsen the situation?

Finally, Spencer can't take it anymore and stands up without a word to go get herself something stronger than beer. Not even the games interest her right now, her usual competitive self nowhere to be found. She did won almost all the rounds of UNO, Go Fish and Charades, but it didn't make her feel as satisfied as usual, and the one time she lost, (to Toby, actually, how ironic) she was more frustrated about losing to Toby than losing at all.

Opening the cabinets in the kitchen, she looks through their stash of alcohol, when she feels a presence behind her, even before a voice speaks up.

She's incredibly in tune with him, it seems. It must be a soulmate thing.

"Hey."

She turns around, her expression neutral.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry about all this." There's a frown on his face and he looks apologetic. She tries to be forgiving but it isn't in her nature. "Hanna convinced me to come and I, -"

"You could have said no," she cuts in, voice flat. She doesn't even feel angry anymore, she's just exhausted.

Toby pauses for a moment, his eyes searching her face. Again, she feels exposed to him, just like when he looked her over in a scrutinizing way two weeks ago. She doesn't like that feeling. It's almost like he's reading her mind, with the way he's staring at her, and, although she knows it's a sign of weakness, she looks away. Nobody has ever looked at her like that before, like he knows and understands her every thought. Goddamn it, _goddamn him._

Finally, he speaks and she glances back at him. "You're right, I could have," he allows, nodding. "But I guess I just wanted to see you again."

"Why?" Her voice is small and quiet, and there's no force behind it. His confession would have been almost sweet, but she knows wanting to see her again has nothing to do with her, as a person, so it isn't.

To everyone, she would tell that she just doesn't have time for a relationship (true) and that she can't shake the thought she would be essentially losing her free will if she yielded into the universe's idea of her soulmate (also true) but this plays a big part in it too. A huge part in it, actually. If she ever happens to be in a relationship, she would want to be loved for herself, as she is. And not because she's the guy's soulmate. There's nothing romantic about that.

"I thought about it. I thought about it a lot, and I came to the conclusion that I can't just pretend nothing happened. You're my soulmate, Spencer. Am I supposed to give up that easily?"

She shakes her head, almost disappointed. It was exactly the response she anticipated. His reasoning didn't help his case at all, - _"you're my soulmate, blablabla…"_ She wants more than that.

"Toby, you don't want me. Not really. You want me because you think I'm the only choice you have. You want me because we've all been brought up in a world which tells us that our soulmates are the only choices we have. But it's not true." She pauses in her rant, blowing out a sigh. "You're only here because I'm your soulmate. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't have looked at me twice in that club."

"How do you know that?" he counters, crossing his arms. He looks challenging and expectant, and for a moment, it takes her aback, preventing her from speaking. She didn't expect him to try and prove her wrong.

"What?"

"How do you know I wouldn't have looked at you twice? You can't know that."

"Toby, it doesn't matter," she groans, shaking her head. "Please, can you just drop it and, I don't know, forget about me?"

He's quiet for a while. Staring again. She wants to shout at him to stop because she can't focus if he's looking at her like that, but bites down hard on her lip instead, to keep the words in. No need to give him an advantage by letting him know how much this gets to her.

His silence doesn't last as long this time. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can." He's looking her in the eyes the whole time he speaks, almost like he's trying to hypnotize her. It's working, too, because she unconsciously leans a little closer, as if gravitation is pulling her towards him. In that moment she sees him, _really sees him_, probably for the first time ever, and with a gulp, she realizes that, _yes,_ he is indeed very attractive. Tousled brown hair, blue eyes which are to die for, a muscular chest, which, she bets, looks a lot better without a shirt on. His eyes are intense and sparkling, his lips suddenly very, very inviting, and _fuck, shit,_ this is not good, not good at all.

Spencer is not a virgin. She's not blind either. She recognizes a handsome man when she sees one, and Toby definitely falls into that category. Okay, so she may be attracted to him _physically_, but there's nothing wrong with that. As a woman with hormones and a perfectly healthy sex drive, she's allowed to be attracted to him. It probably doesn't help either that it's been a while since she's been with anyone. But it doesn't mean she wants to date him. Because she doesn't.

Yet, she's unable to look away as he tells her, "I'm not trying to stalk you or be annoying. But Spencer, the past two weeks, I could barely stop thinking about you. I don't know if it's only because you're my soulmate or because you're probably the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but I'd like to find out. Don't you think we should at least try to get to know each other? Don't you think we owe ourselves that much?"

Struggling to breathe properly, she finds that she has no words of protestation she can offer him. Her brain is a bit fuzzy, and maybe what he's saying isn't even such a bad idea... "I... I don't know," she stutters. She takes a step backwards, colliding with the counter, grabbing it for support. He watches her curiously and she still hasn't looked away from his face. It's almost impossible to. "I think I should just..." She takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself. _It's just lust, goddammit. Get yourself together. _

She closes her eyes for a split of a second, and when she opens them again, she's strengthened herself and his magic isn't working on her anymore. She straightens, letting go of her death grip on the counter and motions towards the living room.

"We should go back. They're probably waiting for us to start the next round."

As soon as she's said the words, she turns her back to him and walks back to the others. Sitting down on the couch next to Aria, she's lost in her own mind, berating herself for being so weak. And the worst part is, she gets the feeling he wasn't even deliberately trying to charm her - he was just being honest. And this is the reaction it caused on her.

So what would it look like if he actually did try to seduce her? She doesn't even want to know.

* * *

"Okay, so we have Cluedo, Monopoly and Scrabble."

"Scrabble," Toby answers immediately. Spencer looks up in surprise. Nobody wants to play Scrabble with her anymore, mainly, because she always wins. Well, she usually wins at most games, but with Scrabble, she could really get competitive and gloating. She's surprised Emily even offered the game.

And of course, Toby doesn't know about her expertise at Scrabble, so he has no reason not to want to play. Which is just perfect, because she suddenly realizes how much she's dying to play that game again - whoever her competitor might be.

Emily chuckles. "Are you sure about that? We don't usually play that game anymore, and there's a reason for that." She looks towards Spencer. "Spencer can get really into it. We have no chance against her."

"Oh?" Toby raises a curious eyebrow, glancing at Spencer himself. She makes an effort to maintain eye contact with him and remain indifferent at the same time - no more weakness anymore. He inspects her, almost looking impressed. "Well, I'm pretty good at it myself, so maybe I'll be able to give her a run for her money."

Spencer sits up straighter, narrowing her eyes at him. "Is that a challenge, Cavanaugh?" The use of his last name just comes out naturally and no one is more surprised than herself. She tries to play it off like it's nothing and goes on, "You should know, no one has beat me at this game in eight years."

"You should know, no one has beat me at this game, ever," he counters and now there's definitely a challenging gleam in his eyes. Emily looks between the two of them like she's trying to figure out what's going on and Hanna is grinning in the background, not even trying to hide her smug expression. Even Aria senses the sudden tension in the room, looking around with confusion shining in her brown eyes.

"So... Scrabble then?" Emily asks, holding all three sets of games in her hands.

Spencer and Toby have a small staring contest, and it's almost like they're communicating without words. Spencer cocks her head to the side, _"Are you sure you can handle this?"_ Toby shrugs, _"I'm not afraid, unless you are."_ Spencer smirks, _"You only wish, Cavanaugh."_

Without looking away from him, she nods at Emily, and says, "Yeah. Let's see what you've got."

* * *

An hour passes and they're still playing. Hanna was amused at first, but now she's uninterested, conversing with Caleb in a secluded corner. Emily's boyfriend has already left and right now she's talking to Aria and Jackson in the kitchen. Which leaves just the two of them at the coffee table, still going against each other like their lives depend on it. The match is nearing its end, but they're head to head, both likely to win. It would be impossible to tell who'd end up as the victor, but Spencer is confident. Toby might be good and a fair opponent (actually, she was pretty surprised and impressed by his Scrabble skills, if she's being honest) but there's a reason no one has beat her in eight years. Toby is going down.

She studies him carefully as he looks at his letters, taking his time. His face is screwed up in concentration, his eyebrows furrowed, chewing on his lower lip. He looks kind of cute, thinking like this, she muses to herself. She can't even be bothered to put an end to her thoughts right now.

He lays down his letters, giving her a teasing smile. "That's 91 points, I believe."

Spencer nods, writing down his score. She already knows what word she's going to put down and that it'll bring her 96 points. Which is five more than Toby's.

With a smirk, she glances at him, already gloating. "Glyceraldehyde, that's 96 points."

Instead of being annoyed, he actually smiles. "Thanks for the G, I've been waiting for it." With that, he lays down his own word, _goofball_, earning himself 104 points.

_Fuck. _

He continues smiling pleasantly, as her posture stiffens, noting with disdain that she's lost. She's actually lost at Scrabble, _to Toby._ She was not kidding earlier, that really didn't happen since she was fourteen, - that was the last time her high school boyfriend, Andrew Campbell, smart and straight A's, just like her, was able to beat her. No one since then.

Not until Toby Cavanaugh, with his completely different tactic and ordinary and not at all academic words, came along and scooped the title of winner away from her.

She swallows, not sure if she feels agitated or turned on. Both, definitely both.

"Good game," she admits in a strained voice, not looking at him. She's a sore loser, yes, but in her defense, she was raised to be one. "You played well."

"So did you," he returns the praise, in a much lighter tone than hers.

She begins to put away the game, collecting the letters. Her eyes are on the task but she can feel his gaze on her, unyielding, and after a few moments of silence, he speaks up.

"You're not mad at me, are you? I'm sorry to ruin your eight years long winning streak."

"I'm not mad," she answers on instinct without even looking up. When he doesn't reply for a long time, she lets out a sigh and glances up at Toby to find him staring at her with a contemplating, dubious look. "I'm not mad," she repeats with more conviction. "I just... don't like losing," she admits, shrugging. Losing makes her feel inadequate. Not good enough. But there's no way she's telling him that.

"Losing is a part of life," he tells her simply. He begins helping her put the letters away, and she has to take extra caution not to let their hands brush. "You don't always have to win."

She can't hold back a loud snort. Oh, the irony. "Wow, you clearly don't know me at all."

"Well," he begins, shooting her a meaningful look, "I'm here to change that."

Good point. But she's still not sure how to feel about that or how to deal with it. Things between them shifted some tonight. Their interaction in the kitchen had her heart beating out of her chest, and then their Scrabble match completely took her by surprise. She actually had fun, she realizes with a start. Unlike most people, Toby stood a chance against her, and, although she would have preferred to win, it was a nice change to actually have to fight to keep up with him. Most of the time, it was too easy to win.

Toby giving her a real challenge excited her to no end.

But even with all this, she knows she isn't ready to entangle with him like that.

Instead of shooting him down again, she informs him, "I'm a law student."

"Oh… So you do need to win all the time," he concludes.

Spencer grins. "Kind of. It's in the job description."

After packing the game away, he looks around the room. Hanna and Caleb have started making out a few feet away, and the others haven't returned from the kitchen yet. Spencer begins to feel self-conscious, now that they're not playing anymore. What now? What is she supposed to do or say?

"Listen," he starts, slow and uncertain. Watching him, she sees that he's nervous, unsure how to approach what he wants to say. She has an inkling what this is about. He fidgets, clearing his throat twice before he goes on. "I think I'll head home now, but before I go… Can we, at least... be friends?"

"Friends?" she repeats, surprised. Okay, this is not what she expected.

"Yes," he nods. "I can see you're reluctant to be something more, and I don't want to be the kind of guy who doesn't accept that. But I'd really like to be your friend, Spencer."

She gulps. Eyes trained on the table, she considers this for a moment, knowing that she's pretty close to breaking. He says all the right things, does all the right moves, and his sincere, open expression doesn't help. Nor does that stupid, stupid Scrabble game which made her realize that he could be fun to be around.

"Why?" she asks at last, looking back at him. She honestly can't fathom why he would want to be her friend.

"Because you seem like a great friend to have," he states without hesitation. He's confident of what he's saying and it makes her job to reject him all that harder. "Because it was fun to kick your ass at Scrabble tonight."

"You did not kick my ass," she retorts instantly, slightly resentful. He doesn't even hear.

"Because you brought color into my life - literally," he continues, locking eyes with her. "I'd like to be friends with the person who changed my world like that."

She blows out a deep breath. Goddammit, he's pretty irresistible when he tells her things like this.

She casts her eyes down because she can't afford to look at him anymore. How is she supposed to reply to that? How is she supposed to refuse or even agree to be his friend? Both would feel wrong, she thinks. There's no right path here, she supposes, only a middle ground. Maybe being _only_ his friend is that middle ground?

"Look, I…" she trails off, at a loss for words. He patiently waits for her to continue, doesn't try to convince her of anything anymore. Maybe he senses that he's done all that he can and the decision is in her hands now.

She thinks of what it would be like to accept his offer. They can't just shake hands and agree to be friends, and bum, _they're magically friends_. They'll have to hang out, do things together, get to know each other, stuff like that. But does she really have the time and energy for that? Is it even worth it?

And if she agrees to be his friend, will it be enough or will he eventually want more?

_Will she?_ is what lurks deep down in her mind, but she doesn't dare ask herself that question.

She's so tired of constantly overthinking this. Maybe she could just take a chance for once, jump right into the unknown and see where it goes. Closing her eyes, she decides to blurt out the first thing that comes to her mind. Like flipping a coin or ripping off a bandage. Don't think about it, just do it.

"Okay," she allows herself to say at last. Opening her eyes, she comes face to face with an equally shocked and pleased Toby, grinning at her like he's won the lottery. The look on his face alone makes her feel like she made the right choice. Without even realizing, she grins back at him, his smile infecting her too. Maybe this would be okay. They don't have to be anything more than friends, right?

He said so.

And honestly, she could really use a friend who would be willing to play Scrabble with her from time to time.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really," she chuckles, not quite believing what she's doing. But it's too late to go back now. "I mean, I have to beat you at Scrabble after all. You didn't think there wouldn't be a rematch, did you?"

He lets out an amicable laugh. The sound strangely fills her with warmth inside.

"You just keep practicing, Hastings, I think you could use it if you want to go against me," he teases which earns an outrageous gasp from her.

"I'm going to let this comment go, Cavanaugh, but you better be nicer next time."

They share a smile and in that moment, she feels happy she decided to give him a chance. As a friend. There's nothing wrong with being his friend, she tells herself.

They exchange phone numbers and she promises to text him soon so they could talk about a possible rematch. He leaves soon afterwards, but not before saying goodbye to the others, Hanna telling him to come around more often and shooting Spencer a knowing smirk, to which she responds with an amused eye roll. Despite the stunt Hanna pulled today, Spencer knows she meant well and the night didn't end badly, so she can't find it in herself to feel angry. Perhaps just a bit annoyed, but that's expected.

Later, after all their guests have left, just before she goes to sleep, she receives a text from Toby.

_I had fun today. Thanks for agreeing to be friends. Goodnight. - T._

She smiles to herself, and as she types a reply, she realizes that even now, hours after he went home and his charm wore off, she still doesn't regret her choice.

* * *

**The second half of this chapter basically took on a life of its own, haha, a lot of scenes didn't end up the way I originally planned them to, but I think I like it? *shrugs***

**Lol, so how long do you think "just friends" will last? **


End file.
